


Remember You

by LittleSweetCheeks



Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: F/M, Major Character Death- Off Screen, Post Series, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27229981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks
Summary: Jay stared into the hole, waiting for its permeant occupant to arrive. The ground was wet. The trees were wet. The sky was wet. It was as if the whole earth was mourning the loss.
Relationships: Elizabeth McCord/Henry McCord
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	Remember You

**Author's Note:**

> Song- How They Remember You by Rascal Flatts.
> 
> Major Character Death.

Jay stood, hands shoved in his pockets, and rocked on the balls of his feet. The air was cold today. Wet. Brown leaves lay sodden in the grass as water dripped from sagging tree branches. It was as if the trees had become tired after a season of standing tall and green and now, half bare and almost entirely depressingly brown, they sagged from the weight of it all.

He sagged too.

He’d been sagging for days. He was thankful his wife was so understanding. Thankful Abby was understanding too. Annelies had brought fresh clothes, food, their boys. Abby had brought Chloe and a bottle of scotch.

Chloe had only visited for the day; the scotch hadn’t lasted much longer.

When an agent had quietly stepped into his office and shut the door, the worst he’d thought could happen was his boss trying to break protocol once again for some innocently nefarious reason. He’d joked. Had asked what she’d done this time with a grin and a chuckle.

But the agent hadn’t laughed. Jay could still hear his deep, rumbling voice asking him to please come upstairs. Could still feel the way fear and apprehension pulsed through his veins as he took those stairs, throat dry and closing. The journey had felt like a thousand miles and with every step he’d wished to not be making it alone, wished to have colleagues at his side who could carry the weight of the unknown thing he was about to walk in on.

Carry the burden of understanding that some things could be worse than what left them with nightmares.

It’d been on him to make calls, to whisper into the phone his condolences and arrange for transportation. He’d been the one to mobilize the entirety of the White House staff, calling in every favor he knew to delay it being public. There were so many people who needed to hear it first. Privately. Who were owed that courtesy.

Tracking down the kids hadn’t been hard; he had their direct numbers. And they had security. He refused to allow the agents to be the ones to break the news.

He’d nervously reached out to Will, that one had been easy, and then Henry’s family, that one had been hard. He left Nina to make final arrangements, however. He had more calls to make.

Daisy and Matt had gone quiet. In shock, no doubt. Matt had whispered a half question, ‘ _How is…_ ’ to which Jay had heard himself reply, ‘ _How do you think?_ ’ The call had ended with assurances that they would be on their way and he thanked them for that.

_‘I’m on my way_.’ He’d sagged in relief when that had been Nadine’s instant reply when those two words had slipped out of his mouth. She’d moved north, to Connecticut, to teach. ‘ _You’ll need me…as a friend… The family will need me too.’_ He knew she was right. She was still close and would be received as a friend, an ally, but she also had a lifetime of understanding the political and legal ins and outs of what would happen next. She could use a gentle hand to move them through it.

Dead.

He would need support to get through the funeral and everything else that was to come, but his needs came last on the list.

Jay had saved the hardest call for last. For the person he suspected would react the worst. ‘ _I’m sorry,’_ he’d started out. The apology falling painfully once the call was put through. From four and a half thousand miles away, he could feel as Blake processed the news. ‘ _I need to come back… Trevor will understand.’_ He had hoped Trevor would.

Now… Now he stood alone, staring at the hole that would soon have a casket lowered into it. Staring at damp soil and a mound of dirt attempted to be hidden under a cover of green. It was if the whole earth was mourning today.

Perhaps it was.

A good person, good to their very core, was about to be put to rest in that hole. The whole earth would now be less for the loss and still better for having had the life to begin with.

Jay sighed, wondering what life would look like now. Different, that much was certain. His own life would be altered by this. There was no way it wouldn’t be.

The sound of footfalls in the wet leaves made him twist to the side. It was too soon for mourners to arrive and really, he was supposed to be somewhere else, but… he needed to check it out. He’d spent years double checking before arrival, this was no different.

To his left and right stopped Matt and Blake, flanked finally by Daisy and Nadine. It felt comfortable somehow. Reassuring. “How did you know where I was?”

He heard Matt scoff. “It’s where we wanted to be anyway.”

He felt his lips try, and fail, to curve slightly as his friend’s comment. He couldn’t argue it, no doubt they all needed this moment. Jay caught Matt’s slight intake of breath and turned finally, interested to hear what else he had to say.

“I’ve been thinking about legacy… How we’ll all be remembered, not just-” He waved a hand at the hole before shoving it back in his pocket. “Will we be remembered for what we stood up for, for the good we did, for not giving up on dreams.” Matt sighed. “Will we be remembered at all?” His voice faded out, leaving only the wet breeze weaving between them.

“Most of what we did, us personally, was never in the spotlight.” Daisy paused. “Our failures. The times we did quit or fall or… maybe do more harm than good… They were in secret. Behind closed doors.” She swallowed. “But so were our wins.”

“That was the job.” They all turned when Nadine finally spoke. Looking to her again as the leader of their little family. “I think, in the end, we did okay.” She pulled in a dep breath, eyes still on the ground. “The important thing about falling is knowing how to get back up, that we’re all standing here now is a testament to the fact we worked it out. Sometimes we needed a hand getting back on our feet, but…” Her eyes finally moved along the curved row of them. “We eventually worked it out.”

“Sometimes…” Daisy shivered slightly against a gust of wind. “Sometimes burning a bridge or building a wall was necessary… It took me a long time to realize that and… When I was the bridge that had to be burned… It hurt. But by then, I understood.”

“I think eighty percent of my time at State involved the phrase ‘What the hell?’” They all reluctantly chuckled at Matt’s comment. “I hope, though, that my legacy is that I brought it all. Every day.”

Jay patted his shoulder. “It is Man.” He looked his friend over and then Daisy beside him before dropping his hand and turning the other way, to Nadine and the still-silent Blake. “Sure, we quit sometimes, threw in the towel when things got hard, but we’re human.” He shrugged. “And we always came back to the table. We dreamed big and we fought for those dreams and… Look what we’ve accomplished. Us, right here. Look at the international policy, the domestic policy, we’ve helped shape.”

Finally, the silence at his side became too much. “Blake?”

The younger man chewed his lower lip, eyes darting briefly to Jay’s before returning to the hole. He didn’t speak until Jay saw Nadine reach out and wrap a hand around his arm. “I loved-” His voice broke and Jay thought that was all they would get from him today. He’d been quiet, a shadow of himself, since stepping off the plane. Jay had pulled strings to meet him at the gate, knowing the condition he would be in.

Eventually, once the silence drew out through another chilled gust of wind, Blake started again. “I have no idea what my legacy will be… I have always been the assistant.” He shrugged, shaking his head. “And it sucks.” A small laugh bubbled out, but it was wet with chocked back tears. “Henry was like a father to me though. And his legacy… His legacy is…” When he couldn’t continue, he shook his head. Jay saw a tear drip down one cheek.

“He’ll be remembered for the good.” Nadine nodded; eyes focused on Blake. “For standing up for his morals and principles.”

“Even on national television.” Daisy quipped quietly, making them all smile.

“He’ll be remembered for fighting for people who couldn’t fight for themselves.” Matt agreed. “Even when it caused himself discomfort.”

“For loving his family.” Jay reached out, placing a hand this time on Blake’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “All of them.”

His phone chirped and he pulled it out, checking the screen to find a message from Stevie. “We need to head over; they’ll be here soon.” He began to turn away, taking three steps before realizing Blake hadn’t moved. Quietly, he waved the others on before turning back. “I know this is hard…”

“I failed.”

“Blake…”

“I had one job. One fucking job!” The anger snapped out suddenly and then faded away as fast. “And I was halfway around the world…”

_Around the world,_ Jay thought to himself, _trying to save the world._ “I talked to him that morning. He was fine then. Was joking about sneaking away for lunch with Elizabeth.” He sighed. “She’d gone up to see if he was ready and…” He’d gone over this already. Had reluctantly spelled out stepping into that silent bedroom and finding his boss, the leader of the free world, curled against her husband’s lifeless body on the bed. He’d glossed over the way she’d started crying when they’d taken Henry away, the sounds she’d made as her heart had broken. He’d been the only one on hand she’d trusted enough to see her fall apart so completely.

He’d always known that there was one thing worse than Elizabeth dying while in office, he’d just never expected it to happen, let alone so suddenly.

“I miss him.” Blake’s voice was small, and it made Jay pull his eyes back to his friend’s face. “I wish he was here, then he could tell me how to get past this.”

“I know.” He wasn’t particularly good at this part. It’d been hard sitting with Elizabeth in the hours until family had begun to turn up, though he’d done it without a thought. “I don’t think you get past it, though. I think you just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving.” Several minutes passed before Jay accepted that they really did need to move into position. The President’s fleet of vehicles would be pulling up any minute. “Come on.”

“Can I just…” Blake’s eyes cut back to the hole waiting for Henry’s body. A physical representation of the void they would all feel for ages to come.

“Not today.” He guided him around and toward where the others were waiting. “Elizabeth needs all of us today.”

At the road, they huddled together against the damp wind until the motorcade appeared in view. The public parts of this process were all over now. This was the time reserved for the First Family to grieve and bury husband, father, and friend.

Jay reached for the rear door, opening it, and offering a hand to Elizabeth. “Ma’am.”

Four steps behind them, Matt took his place and helped Henry’s daughters, offering each an arm as they too began the walk to the gravesite. From the next vehicles, the rest of the extended families began to join them as Nadine and Daisy fell in behind Matt.

The pathway crested hallway between the road and the gravesite. Jay stopped there and stepped out of the way, looking back as the hearse began to be unloaded by men in uniforms. “Ma’am.” He drew her attention.

It was her husband’s final journey. The man who’d led his family for over three and a half decades would lead now only as a memory. He started to pull away, to give her this moment to watch alone, but she held firm to the curve of his elbow.

Up the hill came the pallbearers, Jason and Blake side by side trailing behind them, footsteps sounding out of place in the quiet. “We should go sit.” He suggested gently. Everything was done gently now.

“Just… wait.” He was almost startled to hear her voice. “I want to walk with him one last time.”

“Of course.”


End file.
